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USA. 2010. Directed by Ridley Scott. Screenplay by Bruab Helgeland. Story by Ethan Reuff, Cyrus Voris. Starring: Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett

Rating: ★★½

Robin Hood - The untold story of the man behind the legend... A friend of mine came up with a much better tag-line. Robin Hood - Gladiator with bows and arrows. The same prologue, director and actor of Gladiator were used but nowhere near the same quality. The piecemeal scenes of Robin Hood that tied the storyline together were confusing and disappointing. A lot of the dialogue that contributed to the overall plot-line were unnecessary making the pace of the film appear choppy and condensed. So many ideas were brought into the story such as Robin’s paternal origins and the significance of certain characters were never developed or explained. The angle the director took to move the plot along were to make all the characters seemed partial and easily swayed, a king’s crucial decision for the future of this country made on a whim based on his mistress’ word. There was no debate or intense friction but a quick and easy dialogue delivery, like a bowl of uncooked instant noodles. 


In addition to the long winding war scenes, a large portion of the film danced around the romance between Marion (Blanchett) and Robin (Crowe), which was utterly excruciating to watch. The development of their growing love for each other was attempted through short awkward dialogue banter, only worsened by the lack of chemistry between the two actors. The fact that their mutual feelings were never addressed throughout the film made the 'declaration of love' scene; come as a sudden shock. They were excellent apart but skin-crawling in the scenes they filmed together.

**Spoiler Alert**
Blanchett convincingly portrayed Marion as a strong, independent, hard headed woman throughout the film, however the useless addition of her running into the final battle with sword in hand & full body armor leading her small legion of the lost boys was completely unnecessary! Ridley Scott, you’ve been pounding it in our faces that Marion is a heroine from the start. We get it! She’s tough! There was no need for her to join the battle and fail miserably. It completely undid her tough act and made the crucial farewell scene between Robin & herself obsolete. Although I have to give two thumbs up for the director of photography who made many of the scenery appear absolutely breathtaking. The film overall, didn’t bring anything new to the table of the already over-done Robin Hood legend.  

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And finally, my favourite scene from this 2010 rendition of Robin Hood was when Marion and Robin decide to share some intimate and dramatic lip-locking action... amidst a raging battle! Marion who’s fallen off her horse with heavy armor & is drowning/choking on the shore & Robin who’s bleeding from the head comes to her rescue with blood dripping onto his lover’s face; I ask this question. DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO BE MAKING-OUT?!? I don’t know if this “romantic” scene trumps Elizabeth and Will’s impromptu wedding ceremony/battle seen in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. *gag*
 
 
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I absolutely hate it when great films are destroyed by their money wrenching sequels. It completely ruins the quality of the original film, just by existing. What really disappoints me is; it cancels out all the nostalgic and butterfly-in-stomach feelings that were developed when the first film was experienced. So are prequels, sequels and third installments worth the money they make or do they destroy the franchise and kill an amazing piece of art?

Top Ten Films that should have never continued after the first big hit!
In no particular order:

1. Matrix II & III - What a flawed mess of a philosophy that didn't even make sense! Cheap bible reference gimmick!

2.
Transformers II - OMG! biggest waste of my life EVER

3. Spiderman II, III - Meh... crap and more crap

4. Fantastic Four II - You could argue FF1 shouldn't have been made in the first place, but FFII was just a load of utter shit! I just hate nonsense that's not even good bullshit.  

5. Shrek III, IV, V - Seriously stop already

6. Star Wars Prequel - WTF was that!?! These just fucked the original Star Wars in the a**...

7. Mummy III - If you can't get the original cast, don't bother. What a Flop!

8. Speed II - As above

9. Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull - When aliens are brought into the plot, it's obvious you've ran out of ideas.

10. Jurassic Park II, III - Damn they were so bad, i don't know where to start.  

Please feel free to add to the list of crap that fills our video stores and wrecks the originals. I'd love to hear your input, i might even go out and rent the ones i haven't seen because i love seeking out horrible films that are so bad they're GOOD!
 
 
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USA. 2010. Directed by Louis Leterrier. Screenplay by Travis Beachman, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi. Story by Lawrence Kasdan. Starring: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes

Rating:

I haven't had the chance to see the original 1981 Clash of the Titans but I believe even with the lack of technological special effects, it couldn't have been as bad as the crap that was churned out this year. The re-make had such promise with the all-star cast ensemble, the foundations of the original film and the intriguing Greek mythology that can fuel the plot. But instead of doing a little research and actually closely following the myths that were well thought out for hundreds of years. Producer/writers/directors decide to cheapen the project by turning it into another Hollywood action pack block-buster with no plot and wooden actors... WHHYYY?????

The first scene already got me rolling my eyes when a baby was found alive and well floating in a coffin that just rose from deep under the sea. The kid was taken in by a sweet fisherman’s family who brought him up to become the brooding, handsome hunk of muscle Perseus played by Sam Worthington. I’m always supporting rising Australian actors in Hollywood with full force. But Worthington’s losing me as a fan with his wooden facial expressions, monotone dialogue (with a very heavy Aussie accent that made me cringe) and awkward demeanor. Perseus then gets swept into the battle between the gods and the people when his family became casualties of war. He stumbles into the royal court where his demigod status is discovered which forces him into the journey to save the princess, destroy the gods to avenge his family. Typical plot that could have been substantial if done well, unfortunately in this Clash of the Titans (COTT) it wasn’t. COTT lacked story-telling, character development and explanations in focal scenes that left the audience hanging with no satisfaction. 

The lonesome fisherman (who’s never picked up a battle sword in his life), single handedly fought off a hoard of soldiers with years of training. WTF!?!? I know you’re a demigod and all but that’s way too much BS one can handle, either that or the soldiers were all shit. In which case don’t wage war with the gods if you don’t have the goods!! The film was then followed by a series of eye-rolling, scoffing and choke worthy bullshit that I just was not able to accept. The heroes journey seemed irrelevant after the long sequence of heavily laden CGI fight action scenes & the laughable dialogue didn’t help bring the audience back onto the journey’s path at all. And was it me or did Zeus have a serious case of multiple personality disorder? One minute he appears to his son Perseus giving advice and offers help. The next he’s telling Hades to carry out the human slaughter with no mercy!?!? If I were Hera I would’ve advised my husband – the god of gods to seek psychological help. The one thing I thought didn’t make my head shake in disbelief was Hades (Ralph Fiennes) acting, his eerily cold appearance made me shiver at times and I have to say was a breath of fresh air in a film that had nothing else going for it.

One last thing I want to vent about. I’m sick of every movie becoming 3D just because it can. And I was stupid enough to follow the hype and go see COTT with those horrible glasses that fell off my nose every 3 seconds. It made the scenes blurry, darker and I didn’t see one bit of impressive eye popping 3D activity at all?!?! That was a big fat waste of money and headache inducing experience.

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**Spoiler Alert**
As always I’ll end it with my all time favourite scene/line that made me laugh out loud inappropriately. This time it was the all mighty Zeus who's guilty. In one of the final crucial scenes, he tells all the gods at the conference to leave him and Hades alone in the room. He slowly walks up the stairs and dramatically turns! and instead of having a private meaningful conversation that required the other gods to leave he utters ‘Release the raken!’ (oh no! it’s not a giant octopus it’s elephant man’s fucked up twin!) - WTF WTF WTF!!!