Hong Kong. 2007. Directed by Kar Wai Wong. Screenplay by Kar Wai Wong, Lawrence Block. Story by Kar Wai Wong. Starring: Jude Law, Norah Jones, Rachel Weiz, Natalie Portman, David Strathairn.


My Blueberry Nights is a delightful film about heart break, healing and finding your way to someone who cares. I know it's a cliché topic and tirelessly overdone, however it’s all about the way a story is told that makes it perpetually memorable. Kar Wai Wong managed to concoct a blend of intricate dialogue, progressive storytelling and simple yet effective camera techniques to express an artistic approach to life and what we’re all searching for, love

The film is set in motion when Lizzie (Jones) suspects her long term partner is having an affair and comes to the cafe owned by Jeremy (Law) to dish more information of who he spent  Saturday night with. Her heart break and loneliness led to long conversations through the night with Jeremy over blueberry pies and the histories of  the bunches of keys left behind by random customers. Although Jeremy’s companion is greatly appreciated and most girls would’ve swooned over the idea of spending endless nights in deep conversation with a handsome, gentle and thoughtful young lad, Lizzie’s fears of confrontation drove her away and thus began her journey of self discovery, learning and recovery.

Upon her soul-searching journey, Lizzie meets a number of offbeat characters that she learns and grows from, all the while sending postcards to the kind hospitable cafe owner who takes the journey with her in spirit. The parallels drawn from life and a poker game, encountered by Portman's character Leslie, were a profound take on how Lizzie sees the world and what she chooses to take from that life lesson. Soul searching journeys always fascinate me because I've always dreamt of one day, going on a trip that would change my life. We've all traveled and discovered more about ourselves each time bringing a tingling sensation of change in the early stages upon our return, but everything tends to settle back into routine... until our next trip.

**Spoiler Alert**
My Blueberry Nights was an insightful view into all walks of life and the fears and doubts everyone must face to move to a better place within themselves. My absolute favourite scene was when Jeremy shows Lizzie the different pastries he makes and how there's always an entire blueberry pie by the end of the night ensuring her that 'there's nothing wrong with the pie, people simply don't want it'. That line really got to me because the immediate thought that sprung to my mind was 'I'M A LEMON MERINGUE CHEESECAKE!' there's absolutely nothing wrong with me... i just haven't found my eater yet...
USA. 2009. Directed by Chris Weitz. Screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg. Story by Stephenie Meyer. Starring: Kristen Bell, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

Rating: ½

Ok, so I knew this movie was going to be bad you knew it was going to be bad but I honestly didn’t think any film could consist of no positive notes whatsoever. Some films don’t have a great plot or require some character development but have great CGI to show for. ‘New Moon’ lacked substance, quality, artistry, the plot layout; soundtrack and actors were terrible and didn’t deliver any flare whatsoever to an already long winding and dull basic story telling ploy.

The movie began with Bella waking up next to a giant ‘Romeo & Juliet’ novel on her pillow immediately got me thinking this director is ‘highly’ skilled in the art of subtlety. The fact that they’re even trying to draw any parallels to a classic love story is, in my opinion slightly offensive as there was no development of love between the Twilight characters other than the superficial physical attraction. The whole 2hour ‘New Moon’ intensely follows Bella (Stewart) as she morosely goes about her day since Edward Cullen (Pattinson) left her. Which goes to show Bella is a whining, dependent, selfish and frankly stupid character as she disregards her family’s and friends’ feelings to become an adrenaline seeking suicidal tool to induce her hallucinations of Cullen. This is not someone who can be classified as a heroin in today’s empowering and independent society and if the youth can’t relate to this character, what is the point of dedicating an entire film on an uninteresting, miserable and superficial teenage girl!?! If I wanted to observe an emotionally insane teenage girl, I would’ve tailed my cousin’s ass for two hours.  

The cheesy dialogue and absolutely appalling acting gave me a skin-crawling-eye-rolling-dry-heaving uncomfortable experience. Pattinson’s inappropriately painful expression for the whole 20minutes he was featured in the movie was confusing to watch, he had the same constipated stricken look for every situation. Lautner did nothing but act cool and expressionless for the first half of the movie, then prance around shirtless (with the same expression) for the rest and Stewart’s performance was atrocious! Batting eyelashes and stuttering in a monotone bored voice does not denote fear! (Yes, I’m talking about the scene when she announce “please don’t” after a hungry red-eyed vampire just called her ‘mouth watering’) I don’t know whether it’s their acting or the director’s request but someone should tell those kids to learn new expressions for different scenes!

Let’s not kid ourselves here ladies; we all went to see this horrid movie for the abs, it was all about the abs! The wolves pack were only in jean shorts for the entire duration of the movie and Pattinson even flashed his nipples and airbrushed six pack for the last half hour. It was hilarious to see women swoon over baby-faced Jacob’s (Lautner) ripped muscles like he was on the cover of a Mills & Boons novel when he unnecessarily took off his shirt and flexed his muscles because Bella bumped her head. I actually recommend this film for its superficiality if abs is the only thing you’re after in a film. Otherwise strictly Twilight crazed fans only.

And finally, how can i end without mentioning my favourite scene? You know how comedies have characters run through a serene and peaceful setting in slow motion to poke fun at certain situations as seen in Shrek and 40 Yr old Virgin? Well, New Moon manged to incorporate this classically amusing scene into a serious segment of the film. This left me in stitches and made me wonder if Stephanie Meyer really wrote these cheesy scenes or the director has once again made matters much worse by turning a adolescent fantasy into a childish comedy. 


G.I Joe



USA. 2009. Directed by Stephen Sommers. Screenplay by Stuart beattie, David Elliot, Paul Lovett. Story by Michael Gordon, Stuart Beattie, Stephen Sommers. Starring: Channing Tatum, Dennis Quid, Sienna Miller, Joseph Gorden-Levitt, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols


Paramount Pictures and Hasbro, whose previous collaboration was the worldwide blockbuster ‘Transformers’ join forces with Spyglass Entertainment for another extraordinary action-adventure ‘G.I Joe’ – that’s what’s being marketed globally for this new flick. But don’t get your hopes up because if you’re expecting an actual plot and a clever/humorous dialogue banter between well developed characters. You’d have more luck watching half way through a Disney Pixar film. 

 The film was all action… and that’s it. Script, plot, the art of acting & characterisation was all completely fucked! Not that the screenwriters and director Stephen Sommers thought any of these film techniques would help make the movie a little more bearable. They seem determined to mainly deliver one high-octane, heavily CGI-laden ultimately deadening effect. 

 The film revolves around the idea of “the Joes” (not just the one all-American-hero G.I Joe) - now a massive underground secret service division with the best ops from all around the world cumulated into one unit…. Right… this is a seriously flawed foundation for the film to be base on since all I was asking throughout the film was, where’s the funding coming from? Didn’t anyone notice all their best soldiers disappearing? Why the hell are all these solders cocooperatively turning their back on their own countries to work for America? .... Weren’t any of these questions raised at all??? The government must all be fucken stupid in the near future.  I mean… I’m all for good bullshit light entertaining actions films… but there’s only so much I can handle. And throwing in a whole heap of ‘the Mummy’ cast (Brendan Fraser, Arnold Vosloo & Kevin J. O’Connor) isn’t going to help the film whatsoever except maybe jack the budget up to make it seem like a bigger blockbuster film.  

But hey! That’s just my opinion. 

Don’t take my word for it; catch it in cinemas if you want to experience the mind numbing – eye rolling – ear and brain damaging film while it’s still available, because duds always get booted off the silver screens sooner than expected. Before i sign off i'd like to share my favourite line “You will now call me… COMMANDER! Muahhahaha!” – Hilarious... you’ll know what I mean when you see it. , ,